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Let Blimps Die

We all have heard that super fun stat that there are only a handful of blimps left in the world. 25 total blimps, with roughly only half still in use, according to this source that you won't bother clicking. What is more interesting is the FAA says there are only 128 people in the USA certified to fly a blimp. There are only like 12 blimps on earth, so that is a ratio that will create a lot of incel blimp pilots.

Blimps are useless. They are relic from a less civilized era, coming from the same time as when flying was as unheard of as drinking from a colored water fountain (I still would have been white during Jim Crow era). No correlation though, as a Google search "Are blimps racist?" returns no relevant results. Tip of my hat, you've controlled the historical narrative very well, Big Blimp.

Where would blimps currently be without sporting events? You don't see them out and about. You see the Goodyear blimp in two places: at a sporting event, or traveling to a sporting event. They are slower than cars (no traffic though because there are 12). And why does Goodyear have a fleet of blimps? There are no tires in the air. What would a tire company be doing in the sky? Well apparently back in the day, Goodyear wanted to expand beyond tires, so naturally they entered the lighter-than-air balloon business, a bountiful business indeed. Goodyear actually gave the US Navy some blimps to use for surveillance during WWII. Thankfully no one on Team Axis realized that they could probably take down a blimp with a thumbtack or bow and arrow. That would have been a satisfying POP! Probably the tactical blunder that led to Team Allied winning, or maybe it was nuking civilians. No matter, as history won't talk about it, as Big Blimp has been controlling the narrative.

It is time to let blimps float to a farm upstate.

Out: Floating 50 mph in a floating gas bomb waiting to explode

In: Flying 500 mph in a metal death tube also waiting to explode

Out: Fear of blimps

In: Fear of planes

Drones can do everything a blimp can do, and they are cooler. Imagine a Goodyear drone hovering above the Rose Bowl, capturing great footage while going to commercial break. Or a bunch of small Goodyear drones doing one of those aerial light shows. Instead, we settle for a helium balloon floating slowly around the stadium. I'm not sure how much money Goodyear is lobbying to keep blimps in sporting events, but it has to be a lot.

Another bone to pick, the Goodyear blimp isn't actually a blimp. They are actually zeppelins, due to having a metal skeleton. You probably remember the Hindenburg (a zeppelin) exploding. That has to be the first major disaster caught on camera. I also don't remember learning in school that the Hindenburg was a Nazi airship. I assumed it was American, due to blowing up in New Jersey. (Big Blimp hiding from their Nazi past).

My recommendations:

First, we stop glorifying blimps and getting excited by seeing one. Take away their power. Close your eyes when Goodyear blimp footage is being shown during a sporting event broadcast. Boo the blimp anytime you see it in person. Make Goodyear realize there are better places to advertise, like on tires. I support Goodyear becoming the leader in the drone industry. They buy a fleet of drones for WW3.

Let's stop using blimps. Technology has passed them by.

Fun pro-blimp fact: A blimp uses less fuel in two weeks than a 747 uses to taxi to the runway.

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