TMZ EXCLUSIVE! Adult-ish Man Brutally Attacks Pediatric Cancer in a Subway

Subway as in a transportation mode, not the restaurant chain.

Remember Jared from Subway? Lost a bunch of weight eating Subway sandwiches? Became a superstar? Was a gross pedophile? Obviously, Subway Jared would never attack pediatric cancer, he would probably try to have sex with it or something. I'm unclear of his stance on adult cancer. Jared did the child porn stuff, sex with kids, yanno usual pedophilia activity. He gets released from jail March 24, 2029, hide your kids, hide your wives. The argument in court was fixing his food addiction basically led to sex with kids (I'm not a lawyer so read the court documents, or seek legal counsel).

Our team here disavows his actions and beliefs. The beliefs we are FIRMLY against include: sex crimes with kids and believing Subway makes good sandwiches. The Subway bread can't legally be called bread in Ireland because it has too much sugar. But he did lose a bunch of weight, so shout out Subway. Eat Fresh. The restaurant chain somehow survived that PR nightmare. I think their only crime was convincing us that eating an entire loaf of bread in a footlong hoagie is a diet method. Give us this weight loss plan, our daily bread.

Jared describing losing weight

Anyway, lets talk about the cancer attack. The attacker has been indentified as Adam Donofrio. He is legally an adult (can join the 27 club on October 19th), but he does have a lot of pediatric interests (Paw Patrol is a good show). So I can understand how pediatric cancer got a little confused on who it was growing in. Obviously, this attack was at a train station because anytime you see a news headline about random violence, it's ususally on public transportation. However, if you can't afford an Uber, you deserve what's coming from the local crackhead (or cancerhead).

After surviving radiation, my next stop on the subway (transportion mode, not restaurant) was a nice break. It was like how a plate can get hot in a microwave, but my head was in the microwave. So I had some time to let my brain cool down (it did, I think, IDK im not a dr). Microwaves use the same frequency as 2.4GHz wifi, fun fact.

I just finished my first round of Chemotherapy. I did 5 days of chemo pills and then 26 days off. I will repeat for 6 months. The headline of this blog SHOULD be that there isn't any new growth regarding tumors!! That news is now buried in a pile of shit, but that was supposed to be the point of this writing. My medical care team (which is top level because I DESERVE the best) were happy with the images and are excited about the next month of chemo. I didn't feel any major side effects taking the chemo pills. I slept more, but I'm a sleepy boy who needs his ZZZZZZZ's. My whole life I’ve believed I’m one of the best to do it regarding sleep. (That might actually be an issue, can I sleep too much?) Filing that under the “something to monitor” category. Hopefully cancer doesn't make me go night-night forever (Get it?). Will check back in after this current medical situation resolves itself.

The drug I am taking is named Temozolomide. It is called TMZ in the industry. I can take it at home, which is good as long as you don't have any issues/complications.. But I guess you'd rather die on an apartment couch, than live in a hospital bed. I didn't have any TMZ issues and am currently very much alive (at time of writing). Very cool. TMZ is vital to the news cycle and they publish ground breaking reporting. The first amendment is CRITICAL to America's democracy and I will not have cancer in a society that silences the news.

Serious Adam Donofrio time now, there is now an online store to purchase DonoStrong merch as a fundraiser! Talk about putting the "fun" in fundraiser. This is actually real and not me doing a joke (I swear to God, please buy a shirt/hat.) https://donostrong.printify.me

https://www.gofundme.com/f/donostrong for any loose change (or milliions of dollars)

BUY! BUY! BUY!

These are real coupons I got in the mail. You can zoom for the promo codes or to scan QR code. It's generic, so can be used by multiple people. The coupons expire 11/8/25 (hopefully not my expiration date). This is just my super humble way for me to give back to everyone who reached out, supported, prayed, send cards, DONATED MONEY, and gave/continue to support and check in on family and friends. I am a sweetie with a big heart. Go save on some subs.

I genuinely appreciate all of you and wish you a calm mind. Find something positive for each day. I've had a reason to smile or laugh every day, and it is very important to remember that. Yes, plenty of very not positive things have happened, but I only know bad moments exist becuase I have noticed positivity and times I laughed. I guess cancer is a beautiful pain that makes me feel I don't have to fight cancer, what would I fight? I can sit down and make peace with cancer. I am friends with my cancer, It's only bad if you decide it to be. Cancer didn't choose to be evil, it is just my cells getting thrown out of whack, so lets make peace, be kind, and be gentle. Accepting a cancer diagnosis takes a village and I love my village. The shit of life can be fertilizer to grow you a beautiful, juicy mango tree.

I love you all,

Serious Adam Donofrio

P.S. If anybody actually uses the subway coupons, let me know. I'll laugh.